Is it normal?

I always feel that I want to talk to someone, but who? My best friend has another best friend and when I need her, she can’t talk. In the past, I used to hurt myself because I was feeling sad and wanted to forget the saddness with the pain… it “worked”. I almost passed away because I did not want to live anymore, the people who I tought be my friends, turned away and I was alone. My parents never asked to me how I was feeling, they just wanted to know about my grades at school.  Now that I’m in college, it’s the same, without hurt myself (I don’t want to do this anymore)… I’m still have the need to talk to someone because I want to cry everytime I remember some situations. Sometimes my friend help me but just via internet because she lives in another country. So, when she is busy or something, it’s really hard when I need to say something and she is not around and I can’t talk to my parents, I don’t know how. In the outside, it looks that I’m a normal and happy girl, but inside, it’s totally different. It’s a mess. So, when I am upset, I always feel anxiety and want to cut myself again but I don’t do this because I remember how sad that time was… I need to be strong but I have fear to do it again. I hope someone can help me someday.

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