Is it normal?

I always feel that I want to talk to someone, but who? My best friend has another best friend and when I need her, she can’t talk. In the past, I used to hurt myself because I was feeling sad and wanted to forget the saddness with the pain… it “worked”. I almost passed away because I did not want to live anymore, the people who I tought be my friends, turned away and I was alone. My parents never asked to me how I was feeling, they just wanted to know about my grades at school. ┬áNow that I’m in college, it’s the same, without hurt myself (I don’t want to do this anymore)… I’m still have the need to talk to someone because I want to cry everytime I remember some situations. Sometimes my friend help me but just via internet because she lives in another country. So, when she is busy or something, it’s really hard when I need to say something and she is not around and I can’t talk to my parents, I don’t know how. In the outside, it looks that I’m a normal and happy girl, but inside, it’s totally different. It’s a mess. So, when I am upset, I always feel anxiety and want to cut myself again but I don’t do this because I remember how sad that time was… I need to be strong but I have fear to do it again. I hope someone can help me someday.

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